Apparently, that was the title of one of Jerry Springer's shows, back in the day. I only mention it because last night I found myself sitting on the famous Richard and Judy sofa, with Jerry (we're now on first name terms) and some other people too unfamous to mention, talking about St George's Day. It was a pre-recorded thing which will be going out on R&J's show on Monday 20th April, I'm told. That's three days before St George's Day, for those of you who haven't been paying attention.
This would be slightly more exciting if the duo were not these days consigned to an obscure satellite channel, but nevertheless ... it's only a few weeks since I was being interviewed by John Humphrys on Today about canals. Clearly I have arrived, in spectacular fashion. John Humphrys and Richard Madeley in one short month: what more can a man expect to achieve in his life? From here on, my existence is surely going to be a series of dark, empty anticlimaxes.